The man standing in front of you isn’t half-bad, you think to yourself – until your friends start talking about how dating older men is for the birds, that is. Even though there’s no ill will or malice on their part – they’re your loyal gal pals, after all – your friends may be subtly sabotaging your chances at finding a compatible partner more than you think. Read on for the various ways your friends may be keeping you single, and learn how to prevent them from becoming accidental frenemies in your quest for love.

You Adopt Their Negative Beliefs
Worry is contagious, and hanging out with friends who’ve become disillusioned with love and dating can leave you feeling the same way without making the connection as to why. According to the New York Times article How much Girl Talk is too much?, excessive commiserating (or as researchers call it, “co-rumination”) among girlfriends can cause increased anxiety and hopelessness about the future. Of course, it does little to improve your single status either, whereas actively dating does.

What you can do: Change the subject. By switching gears, hopefully you can prevent the conversation from becoming a “there are no good men out there” free-for-all. If your friends insist on talking about how true love only exists in movies, sympathize but don’t empathize with what they say. You can still be there for them without taking on their problems and beliefs as your own.

Their Jealousy Affects You
Do you have a friend who always comments on how lucky you are or how everything always comes so easy for you, implying that she somehow got the short end of the stick? If the green-eyed monster consistently rears its ugly head in your direction, and you feel the need to downplay your strengths or overall awesomeness around her, you may want to address the situation.

What you can do: Understand that while jealousy affects us all, it doesn’t give anyone the right to try and make you feel bad about yourself. Often, the mere act of bringing it to her attention by asking, “What do you mean?” or “Why do you say that?” makes it less likely she’ll do it again.

You Judge Men by Their Standards
You want someone who’s special to you – not to Jessica. She probably sizes up men according to what she wants and needs in a partner, not what would complement you. So, don’t dismiss that guy she found “quiet” and “boring” at the party on her opinion alone; he may be the perfect balance for your outgoing personality.

What you can do: Stay true to what you find attractive. If you’re into someone and your friends give him a less-than-stellar review, just laugh and say, “Really? How funny; I really like that about him.”

You’re Changing, and They Want You to Stay the Same
Maybe you’re caught in a dating flurry, and your friends makes little comments about never seeing you anymore. Or they’re used to being the center of attention, and your new-and-improved flirting skills don’t exactly fit into that scenario. When you challenge the role you’ve traditionally played in a friendship, your friends can find that disconcerting and try to put you back from whence you came.

What you can do: Keep making positive changes on the dating and flirting front. Though they may take a little time to adapt, true friends eventually will.

They Compete With You
Maybe you have that one friend where if you meet a doctor, she’s on the hunt for a surgeon. Or if you had a promising date last week, she just so happened to go on three. Feeling like you’re in a constant race to the finish line of everlasting love is not only unproductive and exhausting, it can keep you focused on “winning” instead of having fun and meeting new people. Which, ironically, is the best way to up the chances you’ll meet someone you really like.

What you can do: Understand that a friend’s need to compete has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with what’s lacking in her life. Instead of the usual back-and-forth you/me/you/me pattern of talking, let the focus be just on her sometimes. You can also refuse to compete altogether by saying, “That’s great! I’m so happy for you!” and leaving it at that.

We’re not advocating that you stage a friend breakup the second you see one of these behaviors. But if one friend in particular consistently brings you down, you may want to consider taking a mini hiatus from her and seeing how you feel. As for the rest of your crew, the more you focus on yourself and doing your own thing, the less impact their behavior will have on you. Because, ultimately, your friends only have as much power to “keep you single” as you give them.

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by Brooke Betts for eHarmony

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I once moved from Texas to New Jersey for three years of graduate school. The significant other I left behind understood that I had to do it — the program offered me a scholarship and a major opportunity for us to build a future together — and after all, I’d be home for summers and holidays, right?

Unfortunately, I found out that those small windows of togetherness and regular lengthy phone calls did make a relationship. I simply couldn’t be there enough — and as it turned out, someone else could.

Long-distance relationships are tough, but there are things you can do to keep them alive. Long distances can be crossed, even if only a few times a year. You don’t necessarily have to buy a plane ticket, either; you might decide to take a car, bus or train. You could even call North American Van Lines or its local equivalent and rent a van — an especially smart idea if you need to transport some of your special someone’s belongings anyway.

Early in the relationship, however, the two of you should discuss the travel schedule rotation, otherwise one or the other of you will end up feeling ill-used. Visits pose other potential hazards too. Holidays may be entirely taken up with family issues. Before you leave, make sure a visit with pay off in quality time.

Communication is central to any relationship, regardless of distance. My experience took place in the bad old days, but today’s lovers have such options as Skype, Twitter, instant messaging, and everything else the social media world has to offer. The more closely you can simulate a live, in-person conversation, the narrower that distance will seem. Schedule your chats just as you would your dates — because for the time being, that’s exactly what they are.

A long-distance relationship, like any long-term plan, must be time-bound. When you live in the same home, neighborhood or town as your beloved, you may be able to afford yourself the luxury of “relationship drift” — that magical limbo in which your relationship can go its merry way and what will be will be and there’s no need to make concrete plans.

At some point, however, the two of you will have to ask the ugly question, “Where do we go from here?” Are you content to let things drift indefinitely and/or non-exclusively? If you can get married, will the relationship go there? Keep in mind that exchanging rings doesn’t magically resolve the problems inherent in a long-distance relationship, any more than the addition of a child magically fixes a broken marriage. How long will this long-distance relationship remain long-distance?

If there’s a set point at which you will be reunited and things will return to normal, then at least you can remind yourself that that day is coming. If there’s no foreseeable light at the end of the tunnel, then honestly, what are you doing?

These thoughts aren’t meant to depress you or discourage you from attempting a long-distance relationship — just to make you aware of the potential hazards and the issues that the two of you will need to confront. If you’re willing to make some sacrifices and keep those communication lines open at all cost, you can make it happen. And if the relationship does end, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be, whether you’re in the next room or across the globe. Good luck!

About the author:
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Nan is a fitness expert and marketer who loves traveling the world to advise at sporting events. When she’s stateside, she enjoys spending time volunteering at environmental organizations and spending time with her lab mix, Cody. She blogs at http://www.eatbreatheblog.com.

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Are you a fan of reality TV? Do you have an embarrassing or high maintenance partner? Would you like to appear on a reality TV show? If you are in a relationship and would love to be on TV then we may have a great opportunity for you!

We were contacted by Bandito Films. They are casting an episode of MTV True Life about men and women who have an embarrassing partner or high maintenance partner. Here is what they are looking for:

• One member must be under the age of 30
• Other member must be considered to be embarrassing or high maintenance
• Gay or straight
• On the east coast (however other locations may be considered)

So there you have it. If you are dating someone who is high maintenance or acts in embarrassing ways, are under the age of 30 and live on the east coast, then you may find yourself on Reality TV in the near future!

Those who are interested are asked to send an e-mail to truelifecasting[at]banditofilms.com.
 

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Everyone knows that weddings are expensive, but we’re not just talking about the big purchases like renting the venue, paying for the meal, booking a photographer and buying a dress. In the last couple of weeks leading up to your wedding, you’ll run across little expenses that you may not have even considered when you were planning your wedding’s budget. For example, you may need cash on hand for vendor delivery charges and tips, gifts for your bridesmaids and groomsmen, decorations, wedding favors and eating out with guests who get into town early. There are several options for how to pay for these last-minute wedding expenses.

Help From Parents and Relatives

You’re never too old to ask for help from your parents! If your parents aren’t paying for the wedding and they’re able to contribute, asking mom and dad for help might not be a bad idea. Be honest and up front about your expenses and ask if there’s anyway they can contribute. Because the groom’s parents traditionally pay for the rehearsal dinner, they are the best people to go to if you need to make some last-minute purchases, like decorations for that event. If your parents aren’t in the picture, other relatives may be willing to help out in their place.

Do It Yourself Projects

When money is getting tight in the weeks leading up to the wedding, consider whether you can make some of the things yourselves to save on costs. You probably have lots of people around to help, like your bridesmaids, and you can call on them to spend some time putting together projects. You can make things like party favors and centerpieces for much less than they would cost to purchase pre-made. Rather than getting professional programs for your wedding, do the layout for the program yourself and print it on nice paper you purchase from a supply store.

Short-Term Loan

Although you don’t really want to take on long-term debt for your wedding expenses, there are plenty of ways to get short-term loans to tide you over until your paychecks catch up. Especially when you’ll be gone for your honeymoon right after your wedding, cash advance loans are perfect because you won’t be home to spend your next paycheck anyway. Another idea would be to ask your employer if you could get your next paycheck in advance. Credit cards also allow you to charge the last-minute purchases, but you should make sure to pay them off as soon as you can, so you don’t carry that wedding debt into your marriage.

Wedding Gifts

If you’ve had any wedding gifts arrive in advance, these can always help you cover some of the last-minute expenses, so you don’t have to enter your marriage with debt. Of course, cash gifts are the easiest to use this way, but many stores also let you return gifts on your registry for cash. You can always buy the items back later when the funds are available, or you may even receive the gifts again as guests do their last-minute shopping!

Your wedding should be an enjoyable time, not a stressful one, so it’s important to plan as much of your budget as you can in advance. That way you can save money in the months leading up to the wedding to pay for each component. But if you do encounter some last-minute expenses, you shouldn’t have much trouble using one of these methods to pay for them.

About the author:
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Nan is a fitness expert and marketer who loves traveling the world to advise at sporting events. When she’s stateside, she enjoys spending time volunteering at environmental organizations and spending time with her lab mix, Cody. She blogs at http://www.eatbreatheblog.com.

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Finding a great relationship can be a challenge. If you’ve had a string of romances fall to pieces, you might want to examine our list of off-putting behavior.

Subscribe to the Gender Stereotypes
Most women are just after your money, right? And men, they love to lead you on, with dreams of a relationship, and then dump you when you fall for them. We could go on and on with the negative stereotypes. Unfortunately, there is no one less attractive than a date with a chip on his/her shoulder. So, work to let go of the prejudices that creep into your relationship attitudes.

Refuse to Accept Any Blame for Your Relationship Failures
It takes two to tango, and all your past relationships had one thing in common — you. It’s important that you grow enough emotionally to acknowledge that, to some degree, you played a part in your past failures. At the very least, you chose your partner.

Decide That Your Appearance Doesn’t Matter
Of course, we all want to find someone who loves us for who we are on the inside. That’s a very reachable goal for most people, IF they make sure that the outside is clean, pleasantly dressed, and reasonably attractive.

Appear to be Slightly Unhinged with Passion for a Cause
The fact that you are a passionate Tea Party/Move On/Sierra Club/John Birch Society devotee should make you more interesting to your dates. But there is a line between passion and fanaticism. If you can remember one or more occasions where your date looked frightened, confused or horrified as you banged on about your protest weekend, beware.

Appear Desperate and Needy
It’s one of the hardest lessons for daters to learn, and one of the most important. Sitting by the phone and always being available sends a romantic candidate the wrong signals in the earliest stages of dating. For better or worse, to a significant degree, your dating attractiveness is determined by how many nights you are seen to be sitting at home alone waiting for someone to call and take you out. The solution? Don’t jump at last minute invitations like a desperate soul. There is a big difference between “spontaneous” and “always available”.

Cross Off Past “Types” of People
So, you dated a physician once and he was always too busy for you, so no more physicians. You dated a lawyer once and she was argumentative, so no more lawyers. The landscaper was too dirty, so no more landscapers. The teacher talked about her students all the time, so no more teachers. This cycle of crossing off types because your relationship didn’t work is a perfect way to end up alone. Twenty years of dating and crossing off types will leave you with very few options. Just come to terms with the fact that people can be different. The fact that your lawyer girlfriend was argumentative says nothing about the next lawyer you meet. Keep an open mind!

Keep a Long and Exacting List of the Perfect Person for You
How long is your list? And are you describing a person that doesn’t exist? eHarmony has a system of 10 Must-Haves and 10 Can’t-Stands and we say if your list is longer than that — you’re just chasing a ghost.

Date Without Regard for Who You Can Attract
On some level, most of us have a sense of what kinds of people we can attract. Those who ignore this fact do so at their own peril. Sure, there are 25-year-old women who want to be with 65-year-old men. But does it really make sense for a senior guy to spend all of his time and resources looking for that one woman? If you date without a good sense of who is likely to be attracted to you, you’ll suffer needless rejection and have a poor sense of your value.

Wait for the World to Beat a Path to Your Door
It’s always hard to understand why people who want a relationship do nothing to create the circumstances by which they might get a relationship. Sure, it can be expensive, time-consuming, tedious, painful, and confusing to search for love, but it’s worth it.

Refuse to Listen to Your Dates
If he says, “I don’t think I want to have children.” He means…NO CHILDREN FOR ME. He doesn’t mean, “If someone worked on me for 5 years, nagging and pleading, then I might change my mind.” Countless hours of grief and pain are inflicted in this world because we don’t listen to the clear words our dates say. If you don’t listen, you’re virtually assuring a blow-up down the road.

Be Rude in the Guise of Being “Honest”
Years ago some author wrote a book that convinced people that being “honest” was the highest value in a relationship. Clearly, without a bond of trust and honesty no relationship can exist, but there’s honest and there’s rude. If your date takes you to a restaurant and the food wasn’t so great, is it really your job to explain in detail why you hated the place? Is it really wise to express every negative thought you have? It isn’t, of course, and over time people tend to pull away from such behavior.

Do Nothing About Your Addictions
It certainly isn’t that people with addictions aren’t capable of being loved. They are. It’s just that a person who is looking for a new relationship will probably be quite good at picking up these kinds of significant issues, and avoiding a deeper relationship. Certainly major issues, like addiction, don’t “get better” overnight, and in many cases you never stop being an addict. But whatever your addiction — alcohol, narcotics, food — a romantic interest is going to want to know that you’ve taken steps to overcome it.

Become a Constant Critic
Some people feel that after a period of time in a relationship they’ve earned the right to be critical. They are wrong. As you invest more and more of yourself and your good will in a relationship you do earn the right to lovingly share your thoughts, but go forth with caution. Criticism can only be given with the greatest discretion and tender love. We all move in the direction of people that make us feel good about ourselves, and away from those who don’t. Are there times when honest criticism is important? Yes. But becoming the constant critic tells your partner, “I don’t like you very much,” and is likely to result in a breakup.

Refuse to Compromise
Compromising on issues you don’t care about doesn’t count. REAL compromise has to hurt a little, and there is an art to it. If you’re a person that feels like you’re sacrificing your personal integrity by giving in on the tiniest issues in to order to accommodate another person, perhaps a serious relationship isn’t for you. It is a two-way street, but as the saying goes, you should be prepared to give 80% of the time and receive 20% of the time. When both people take that mentality it is magical.

Do Nothing to Make Yourself a Better Mate/Roommate
Football coaches are fond of saying, “You’re either getting worse or getting better.” When it comes to your role as a mate, which direction are you going in? You may not have a relationship right now, but you can be thinking, reading, discussing and working on your flaws as a partner. If that seems difficult, focus on the area of relationships that is one of the greatest sources of discord — the home. Find ways to be easier to live with.

by eHarmony

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An old proverb states that all is fair in love and war, but what about small business? However utterly romantic it might seem, business is still business. Sure, you can apply the same passion you have for each other to the starting of a catering company, but beware of the potential pitfalls. If you enjoy each other’s constant companionship, handle stress well and balance each other in terms of business skills such as financial planning, operations management and marketing expertise, then why look to another partner and venture into small business with one you already have.

Getting Started

The U.S. Small Business Association provides resources, tips and templates to get you started. If you and your partner have a clear vision about what you want to accomplish, you’re off to a great start. Consider investing in legal advice from the very beginning. While not as exciting as a Kardashian prenuptial agreement, getting an independent opinion on your possible business makes sense long term. You can also find a mentor using the SCORE.org website.

Dos and Don’ts

• DO decide how much each of you owns in the business. Talk through what each of you plans to contribute to the business, in terms of time, services and ideas.

• DON’T assume you will each commit an equal amount of time to the business. If you have children, elderly parents or other family needs, at least one partner may need to focus on them. Take the advice of countless working couples; to maintain a healthy balance, keep your work and life separate.

• DO set a value on what you think your business will be worth. This will help you write a business plan and convince investors to back your catering business venture. If you already have catering equipment, list the value of those items. Do some market research in your area to find out what competitors are charging. Alternatively, ask an expert in your field to help you set prices for products and services. Finally, ask some potential customers to help you decide on fair pricing. By not relying exclusively on each other, you won’t have an opportunity to place blame later if things don’t go as planned.

• DON’T assume that because you love each other and love what you do that others will love you in return. Business, particularly in this economy, is tough. Do you each have the right personality to embark on a small business development adventure? Don’t assume that idea you dreamed up over a bottle of your favorite merlot will continue to have its glow when the real work starts.

• DO discuss the problems that might arise if the blooms on your proverbial roses fade. Play out some what-if scenarios, such as what if one of you becomes disabled, or what if one of you doesn’t want to continue in the business or wants out of the partnership, either the romantic one or the business one?  All of these scenarios can help you prepare, even if they never come to light.

• DO talk about who’s in charge. Decide who manages the daily operations, pays bills and makes decisions related to hiring, firing and managing employees. Agree on how you will make decisions, such as major purchases such as additional catering supplies, debt incurred or customer contracts.

• DO think positively. Plan out what you intend to do with money you earn. How will you distribute your profits? Will you put it back into the business or use it to pay off family expenses?

Don’t assume that if you haven’t done these exercises in advance of starting your catering business that you’ve missed your chance for success. As in all good relationships, it’s never too late to get the conversation going and iron out details before major (and costly) disagreements ruin a good thing.

About the author:
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Nan is a fitness expert and marketer who loves traveling the world to advise at sporting events. When she’s stateside, she enjoys spending time volunteering at environmental organizations and spending time with her lab mix, Cody. She blogs at http://www.eatbreatheblog.com.

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What creates authentic happiness? It may not be what you think!

The Happiness Factor
Happiness is not a vague notion but can be understood as being 50% genetic; 10% based on circumstances like a new car, whether we are rich or poor, generally healthy or unhealthy; a full 40% of our sense of happiness is dependent upon our lifestyle and choices. The good news? Only 50% of our happiness is actually genetically predetermined. The other half of the equation is entirely up to us – meaning we can create happiness in our choices and life activities.

Happiness Misconceptions
Many of us have been programmed to believe that material things will make us lastingly happy (money, going shopping, etc). The reality is that the ability to purchase things and have the status associated with money falls into the 10% category of life’s circumstances. And 10% isn’t all that much. True, lasting happiness is an “inside-out” experience.

It’s All About Relationships
It has been said that our number one health epidemic is social isolation. More women are living alone now than ever before. Having meaningful social connections is essential. You can actually boost happiness in your life by investing in nurturing, emotionally healthy social relationships. Value your friendships and spend time with the quality people in your life.

Practice Acts of Kindness
Being kind to others is not only good for the recipient — but for you as well. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, kindness is like a natural tonic relieving guilt, distress and stress. And it’s contagious. When you are kind to others it may likely jumpstart a domino effect of positive social consequences as people literally pay that kindness forward to someone else.

Staying Happy while Coping with Problems
There are two ways to remain positive while dealing with life’s curve balls. Engage in problem-focused coping, which involves action strategies and engaging in small steps to actually solve the issue at hand. Feel like you are doing something, even one small thing towards resolving or ameliorating the situation. The other way to cope is focused on emotions. This involves things like accepting rather than denying the situation and keeping yourself balanced through activities which help you including meditation, music and social support.

Learn to Forgive
It has been said that hatred is like a poison pill which you ingest…and only cause damage to yourself. Think of forgiveness as something you do for yourself. Research shows that forgiving-types of people are less likely to be depressed, anxious or hold hostile feelings and are more likely to be agreeable, serene, healthier — the kind of person who has strong connections with others.

Wake Up!
The surest path to finding your own sense of personal happiness and balance is built upon an awareness of future possibilities and the extreme truth of the present moment. Many ancient traditions know that the cultivation of mindfulness is an essential element of happiness. How can you be mindful and present when life demands have you running from one thing to the next? For one, take delight in the senses. Wake up in the morning with full, cleansing breaths and welcome the day with gratitude. Sit and eat. Really taste your food. Take a breath and focus for just three seconds before answering your phone. Try those three things and see what a difference it makes.

Create Your own set of ‘Flow’ Experiences
According to Mihily Csikszentmihalyi, being in a state of “flow”, the completely focused motivation and attention required for a given activity, is an indicator as important as reporting feelings of happiness. This, he says, is what “makes for excellence in life.” Flow activities are those where you are challenged to a level that requires your full attention, where you enjoy the process and where you likely lose track of time. Skiing, cooking, gardening, hiking and singing are just a few examples of flow activities.

Know Where You are Headed
People who strive for something significant to them, who actively set goals and have aspirations, report being happier. They create a roadmap for themselves and therefore avoid feeling lost. What we’ve found is that the process of working towards a goal is as important as that goals’ attainment. Create some short term goals to get started, allowing them to add structure and an anchor to your daily experience — and see how you feel.

About the Author: Barbara Waxman is a life and executive coach and author. The purpose of her work is to help adults at midlife and better to harness their personal and professional goals. Barbara is a regular guest on Leeza Gibbon’s Hollywood Confidential radio program, and has been featured on CNBC.com, Newsday, SmartMoney.com (WSJ) and U.S. News & World Report. She is a gerontologist and certified coach through the Hudson Institute of Santa Barbara. She is a member of both the International Coach Federation and GILD (Global Institute for Leadership Development) Coaching Faculty. She is the special editor of How to Love Your Retirement, the most comprehensive collection of real advice from retirees transitioning to, and thriving in, retirement.

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In an exclusive interview, Dr. Dyer takes the power of intention and applies it to your love life!

Dr. Wayne Dyer, spiritual teacher, author and internationally renowned lecturer in the field of self-development, has never really applied his uplifting principles to the art of romantic relationships, but he agreed to try just that in this exclusive interview for us.

Dyer is the author of more than 30 books, the most recent Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting, was released earlier this year by Hay House and is available in bookstores and online. In addition, he’ll be appearing on “Super Soul Sunday” on OWN March 25 at 11 am. This month PBS is airing Dr. Wayne Dyer: Wishes Fulfilled (check your local listings for the date and time in your area), a special based on the book in which the “father of motivation,” as he is affectionately known by his fans, outlines a program for mastering the tools necessary for living a profoundly extraordinary life, showing viewers how to create new and surprising thought patterns while defeating unproductive and recurring habits.

But before presenting Dyer’s interview, it is necessary to issue a disclaimer. At the beginning of our conversation, the Wayne State University graduate with a doctoral degree in Educational Counseling made it clear that one of the first things he learned in life was not to give advice: “Advice is telling somebody what to do. This is my opinion. As far as telling people what to do, I have always believed that everybody has the anchor of the universe located within themselves. They can find their own answers rather than get it from me.”

So following, Dyer gave us his opinion on matters of the heart, including how the Power of Intention can work in romance, the mistakes people make in relationships and first-date tips.

eH: What would you say to someone who is single but wanting a relationship and having a rough time finding someone. What is their best course of action?

WD: Whatever it is that I want from a relationship, I would say, “Be that.” If what you are looking for in a relationship with another person is an exquisite sense of love, then be that. Extend that out. I think what I learned from St. Germain when he talked about the miser’s love for gold is that it isn’t from gold that you get love, it is the outpouring of love toward it. It isn’t in a Mercedes that you are going to find great happiness. It is in the feeling that you have about it; the outpouring of love for it. The same is true in a relationship.

Somebody else coming into your life isn’t going to give you what you feel is missing. What I would urge you to do is be in a constant state of love for everything and everyone. Put your attention on being that and staying in that incredible state of joy, peace and not thinking that you are incomplete. Somehow people who are searching for something, relationships especially, think that that is going to complete them. If you already feel you are complete, the universe has an incredible way of offering you what it is you are already living.

I have often said, “You do not attract into your life what you want. You attract what you are.” If you are coming from a complete state of loving everything and everyone you encounter, you will find people showing up in your life who will want to relate to you in a closer way.

eH: How can the Power of Intention work in romantic relationships or dating life?

WD: Intention is first of all not something that you do. Intention is an energy field from which all things are intended to which all things return. Intention is really the source of all things. So the Power of Intention is really the power of the source, or the power of your highest self — the power of God.

In dating and relationships, for me, the greatest intention you can have is…instead of asking: What is in it for me? What can I have? Just extending that love outward, so that the people that I love in my life, even the woman I am in a relationship with, my objective is not to get something from her, but to extend to her and make my focus in life making her as happy as I can possibly make her; helping her fulfill her highest dharma, her purpose in life, just to constantly be in a state of serving. Einstein once said when he was asked about quantum physics, “To me, that is all details.” He said, “The only thing I want to learn is to think like God thinks.” How does the source of all things in the universe think? It doesn’t ask for anything. It doesn’t say, “What is in it for me? How can I have more?” It is just constantly in a state of serving. The mantra of the higher self is: How may I serve?

I think it is great advice in life, not just in dating. In dating and in romantic relationships, get your ego out of the way, stop thinking about what is in it for you, stop thinking about how much is coming your way or what is missing from you, and simply say, “How can I make this person’s life as glorious as can be?” This means constantly being in a state of kindness and doing kind things. When you have a choice, always pick kind. Do deliberate loving, kind things continuously. Everybody loves to feel loved that way.

eH: What is one mistake you see many singles make in regards to dating/relationships?

WD: Feeling that somehow they are incomplete if they don’t have it. I believe the same thing that I believe about the recovery movement: It is really about letting go and letting God. Let go of your desire to have somebody there and constantly evaluating your happiness based on whether or not you are with that person. I think also the focus so often is just on what can this person do for me? Whether it is to give me a sense of sexual fulfillment so I can move on to the next, or how good do they make me look? Do I have the right person on my arm? Like arm candy.

eH: How can one go from being single and unhappy to single and happy/fulfilled?

WD: There is such a thing as existential aloneness. The fact is that everybody is single. No matter how great the relationship you are in with somebody else, you are still single. You are still an individualized expression of God. You are going to be single, even if you are married with somebody continuously on your arm every minute of the day. Nobody can get behind somebody else’s eyeballs and become them. Recognize yourself as this individualized expression of God and see yourself, then, as already complete and help other people to feel the same way. If you are single and unhappy, it is because you are feeling as if you are only half a person.

eH: Do you have any first date tips?

WD: It has been so long since I have been on a date. In fact, I don’t think I ever dated in my whole life, yet I am in a divine, beautiful relationship with someone right now. Don’t talk about yourself. Be as inquisitive about the other person as you possibly can. Be as thoughtful and kind as you know how to be. Give them a gift. Catch them doing things right, rather than doing things wrong. It is great parenting advice and it is also great dating advice. Look at the person and see no flaws. See them as perfect, divine creations and treat them that way. The same way you would treat a beautiful tree, or an animal or a sunset. Appreciate them for what they are and ask nothing in return.

eH: One of the toughest question people in new relationships face is, “Should I stay or should I go?” What would you tell a person who is in a new relationship and trying to figure out, “Is this just a growing pain or a fundamental incompatibility?”

WD: I would just say, “Trust your heart.” Staying or going is not relevant, but your heart will tell you exactly what to do. Listen to your heart. Listen to the most inner peaceful voice in you. Whether it says, “This is a place I want to get away from, or someone I want to stay closer to,” you will never be disappointed.

eH: What are some ways a person who is having a hard time believing in manifesting their own happiness in love can gain that understanding?

WD: Getting quiet, meditate, treasure your own magnificence. Recognize that you have, in addition to an ego self and a false self — this body and all of its accomplishments — you also have a higher self. The higher self is the part of you that is connected to God. In fact, your highest self is really God. I am 71 years old and I have been in so many bodies since I was born and I can’t find any of them. I can’t find that 20-year-old body that I was in. But who I am just keeps occupying newer and newer bodies. Trust in the eye that is infinite, that is birthless, that is deathless and that is changeless. Know that you are an absolute miracle. You are a magnificent creation and treasure that.

eH: How can single people who desire a relationship start valuing themselves more?

WD: All you have is yourself. That is all you have in this whole universe. When your eyes are closed and when you die, the whole universe disappears. All you have is how you process this world. That inner part of you that is processing this world that is your highest self. That is the part of you that you have to treasure. You have to go through life reminding yourself how incredibly valuable and important and terrific you are. Then you will never have a question about relationships again. There will be so many people wanting to be in your life.

by eHarmony

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Planning a wedding can be overwhelming — in fact, it can be easy to get caught up in the details of the wedding and forget, at least temporarily, about the marriage that comes afterward. But you can use your wedding registry list to choose gifts and activities that you’ll both enjoy together.

Traditionally, wedding registries have allowed engaged couples to request items they’ll need for their new home and their new life together. Items like cookware, bedding, and home and garden tools appear on thousands of registry lists each year. But modern registries are becoming popular — couples are asking for a variety of items that can range from a down payment on a home to scuba gear. So, think outside of the box when you and your fiancé choose gifts — and don’t be afraid to get creative. Use your wedding registry to receive gifts that can help create a more harmonious home.

Redesign your active lifestyle
If you’re moving in with your fiancé after the wedding, you’ll need to think about how your stuff and his stuff will coexist peacefully together. Some of your books, furniture, and exercise equipment might end up on Craigslist in order to make room for his belongings in your new home. But you can use your wedding registry as an opportunity to upgrade some of the items you use to work out. Consider choosing affordable workout equipment you can both use: yoga mats, an exercise bike, or even hiking or camping gear are great choices that will keep you active and healthy.

Home and garden redux
While you and your fiancé might have different tastes in music, fashion and general style, he might be content to hand you the reins when it comes to creating a comfortable and functional home. Instead of picking out china that you might not ever use, choose practical kitchen tools like convection microwaves or multiuse mixers, wall hangings or bar stools. If you live in an apartment but want to satisfy your green thumb, put plant stands or pot bases on your registry and create a small garden on your balcony or small backyard.

Rethink your rec room
Every newlywed couple needs a way to relax and unwind at home, and you can use your registry to choose games and recreational items. If your guy’s a gamer, think about registering for extra game controllers so that you can entertain friends with group video games. Bookworm couples might register for two e-readers — like Barnes and Noble’s Nook or Amazon’s Kindle Fire — to save valuable bookshelf real estate. And if your idea of the perfect date night involves your Netflix queue, you can put a comfy loveseat or warm and stylish throw blankets on your registry.

Creating a wedding registry is much different than it was just a decade ago, and couples are taking a modern approach to choosing gifts. Don’t limit yourself to dishes and bed sheets — let your imagination go a little wild, and make your list with your fiancé so that both you and he receive what you need to build a long and happy life together.

Nan Gibbons, who blogs on behalf of Sears and other prestigious brands, enjoys spending her time keeping up with the latest innovations in home appliances.

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When you were a kid, all you had to do was slap glue on paper and sprinkle glitter and dried macaroni across the top and Grandma would keel over sideways with joy, only recovering to tack your creation up on the fridge.

Now that you’re a grownup, gift giving is still fun, but it’s not quite as easy as it used to be, especially when you’re trying to decide what to get for your significant other. Suddenly, you’re expected to choose a present that’s absolutely perfect. And, most difficult of all, gifts can be fraught with meaning, whether you intend it or not — gym membership, anyone?

Whether your relationship is long established, brand-new, or going through a rough patch, choosing the right gift is an art. Luckily, a few simple tips transform the perfect-present-picking process from the art of war to the art of giving.

For Newbies

If you’ve only had a few dates and you’re not sure where your relationship is headed — or if you even have a relationship — keep gift-giving light and fun. It’s best to err on the frivolous side; after all, you don’t want to freak anyone out by presenting them with, say, a photo-shopped collage of your future children, no matter how cute they might be.

Instead, stick with light-hearted gifts. Traditional favorites like flowers, chocolates or a nice bottle of wine are always a hit, as are DVDs of favorite movies or bands, a hardbound edition of a book by their favorite author, sporting event tickets or a dinner out on your tab.

For Dating Couples

If you’ve been dating for a while, it’s safe to step it up a bit. It’s still a good idea to keep things fun — no household appliances or electric nose-hair trimmers — take the romance level up a notch.

Surprise your partner with a weekend getaway in romantic inn and spend some time together in a relaxed, intimate setting. Clothing makes a great gift — from comfy pajamas to cashmere sweaters — as do engraved flasks or simple earrings or bracelets featuring small diamonds.

Consider gifts that keep on giving throughout the year, such as a subscription to a favorite magazine or a wine-of-the-month club. Don’t forget about experiences; if your partner has always wanted to take a hot-air balloon ride, learn scuba diving or go white-water rafting, set it up for the two of you to share together.

When It’s Complicated

If your relationship is going through a bumpy patch, keep it light. Stay away from gifts fraught with “unintended” meaning — like new workout gear or a gift card for Botox — and focus on activities you can enjoy together while sorting out your differences.

Movie or concert tickets, gift cards for a restaurant you both love or couple’s spa treatments provide the chance to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Thoughtful gifts — like getting your partner’s car detailed — are always welcome.

Engaged or Married Couples

Long-term couples can focus on gifts that reflect their commitment. From bracelets to earrings, necklaces to rings, diamonds are a classic, sophisticated choice that reminds the wearer of you. You can also whisk your loved one away for a luxurious vacation; planning a range of activities beforehand makes it even more special.

No matter which stage your relationship is in, with a bit of thoughtful attention you can choose a perfect gift — and make your honey just as happy as Grandma was back in the day with your macaroni and glitter masterpiece.

 
About the author:
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Nan is a fitness expert and marketer who loves traveling the world to advise at sporting events. When she’s stateside, she enjoys spending time volunteering at environmental organizations and spending time with her lab mix, Cody. She blogs at http://www.eatbreatheblog.com.

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