When someone you care about ends a relationship, it can evoke feelings that range from disbelief to despair and everything in between. “How could this happen?” you think. “There must be something wrong with me.”

The same is true when someone with whom you’d like to explore a relationship doesn’t return the interest. “I thought I had a lot to offer—but maybe not.” When this happens—and we say “when” because it happens to nearly everyone—it’s easy to interpret the event as a painful rejection of the most personal kind. This interpretation isn’t merely hurtful; it can limit your future happiness, creating wounds and barriers that—if unchecked—can keep you from finding true love in the future.

For these reasons and more, when you’re interested in someone and that relationship ends (or doesn’t begin) it’s important to embrace a healthy perspective on what has just occurred. Here are some considerations to help you do just that:

1. Just the facts, ma’am. When a relationship comes to an unfortunate end, stick to the facts. Avoid piling on self-deprecating opinions like “This means I’m not worth loving,” or “Now I’ll never find someone to love,” or “I must not be very attractive.” These messages are not only untrue, but they can also generate even more pain than the loss of the person you cared about. In fact, if you find yourself more upset about what this breakup “says about you” than about the loss of the person you cared about, you are clearly heaping on self-condemnation and it’s time to alter your self-talk, even if that means seeking therapy to help you embrace a positive perception.

2. Realize that sometimes love simply runs out. When a breakup happens, that doesn’t mean you are flawed, nor does it mean you’ve failed. It may not even be about you at all. Sometimes, in the early stages, love just fades. It’s not necessarily about either partner. This is why it’s rarely wise to make a lifetime commitment within weeks of falling in love—the feeling may dissipate. It takes time to see if the love you share is the permanent kind. And if it’s not, it isn’t a statement about you at all. It simply means the relationship ran its course, and it’s better to discover that while dating than after a trip down the aisle.

3. Typically, breakups are more about a clash in vision than they are about any one person. Choosing to end a relationship usually occurs when one partner realizes something is out of sync with his or her vision for the future. We all have expectations about what we want from a long-term relationship, and sometimes reality doesn’t match up with those expectations. When that happens, it doesn’t mean that YOU are deficient or inadequate in some way; it simply means that WE together don’t have the necessary ingredients for an enduring partnership.
When someone you care about ends a relationship or declines to start one at all, the loss of that real (or potential) partnership is painful enough. So don’t add to the hurt by buying into the myth that it’s all about you.

by eHarmony

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Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t the whole point of taking a vacation with your significant other to relax, relieve stress and enjoy each other’s company? I thought so, but I’m just checking because for a lot of people vacations turn out to be full of stress.

I have a few tips that can help you and your mate relax and enjoy your time together. You don’t have to go too far to leave your stress, cares and worries behind for a few days.

Spas don’t mix with stress

One of my best words of advice to anybody looking to avoid something is to go places where the thing you want to avoid doesn’t exist. At times that is easier said than done but it’s possible. You should schedule a nice spa day for you and your significant other because spas are a place to relieve stress and tension. Some guys don’t get excited at all when spas are brought up in conversations, but there is no denying a nice massage hits the spot. If the two of you spend a day or a couple of hours getting pampered the rest of the day should go smoothly.

Do something new  

If you eat at the same restaurant often or have a favorite thing you do together maybe you shouldn’t go there or do that on vacation. You both are familiar with it and adding some variety is usually a good idea. If you’re in a new city take the time out to experience what the things that make that city unique. Whether that be a meal that the city is known for (cheesesteak in Philadelphia or a slice of Pizza in New York) or a site to see (the Grand Canyon in Arizona) use the vacation as an opportunity to make new memories together. Experiencing things together like a Chicago holiday will strengthen your relationship.

Take turns

Sharing, taking turns and compromising are things were learn about growing up but it is funny how much we can struggle with these things as adults. A strong, healthy relationship involves a lot of compromise and so does a stress free vacation. Guys, if your significant other loves to shop and you really can’t stand the mall, would it be too much to spend a couple of hours with her going to stores? I have been through that myself and while it can be tough doing it will score you some points. And ladies if your significant other loves sports and his favorite team is in the city that you’re visiting, is it too much to sit through a game with him?

These are just two examples of compromising and they might sound funny but compromising is important. One person shouldn’t have their way all of the time.

Just remember, vacations are a time to get away from the stress and concerns of everyday life and to enjoy things. Have fun and enjoy your significant other.

About the author:
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Nan is a fitness expert and marketer who loves traveling the world to advise at sporting events. When she’s stateside, she enjoys spending time volunteering at environmental organizations and spending time with her lab mix, Cody. She blogs at http://www.eatbreatheblog.com.

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Knowing when to tie the knot can be hard to pinpoint. Timing is key for any life situation, and even more so for marriage. Choosing the right time to get hitched really depends on you and your partner, where you are in life and what you’re expecting from a marriage.

Knowing when to get married can be as simple as following your own life clues. Life can naturally tell you when you’re ready to get married if you look closely enough!

1)      You’re Financially Stable: While you don’t exactly have to be financially stable before getting married, it’s a really good idea. Being financially stable in and of itself can be indicative of a certain level of maturity, clarity of life direction, responsibility and self-fulfillment. Additionally, going into a marriage with your own finances secured means that you’ll both bring something to the table, both have something to lose in case something goes wrong and both have respect for each other’s money and assets. As a rule of thumb, if you can’t afford your diamond rings for the engagement, it might be a good idea to wait.

2)      You’re Ready To Start A Family: Knowing that you’re ready to possibly produce offspring with your partner is another good indication that you’re growing up, and that you might be ready to get married! While getting married doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to have kids right away, knowing that you’re ready to do so is always a comforting feeling.

3)      You Feel Complete And Whole On Your Own: A lot of people search for The One to be their other half, complete them and make them feel whole. And, while a significant other does play an important role in your life, you should be complete and whole with or without someone else. When you reach a point where you are happy with yourself, know what you want out of life and know what’s good for your development both personally and professionally, you’ll make a much better partner for someone else. You’d expect the same from someone else, right?

4)      You Can’t See Yourself With Anyone Else: Lastly, one of everyone’s favorite indications that it’s time to get married are when you know you could never see yourself with anyone else! Everyone gets to this place at a different time and may get cold feet here and there, but deep down inside you can tell when this one is different from the rest.

Getting married is a big decision, and one that everyone makes for their own reasons. Do what’s best for you and what feels right. Stay true to your feelings, be honest with yourself and your partner and don’t rush! You have a lifetime to spend together.

About the author:
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Nan is a fitness expert and marketer who loves traveling the world to advise at sporting events. When she’s stateside, she enjoys spending time volunteering at environmental organizations and spending time with her lab mix, Cody. She blogs at http://www.eatbreatheblog.com.

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I’m going to tell you something that’s going to save you a ton of time – especially the hours you spend dissecting a man’s behavior.

When a man doesn’t call once you’ve connected in a deeper way, there are only three possible reasons why:

1) He doesn’t know what to do with the connection you share because it’s not the right time for him

2) He doesn’t know what to do with the connection you share because he’s not mature or capable of getting any closer

3) Something was said or done that tells him that a relationship with you is not a fit for him.

There’s absolutely nothing you can do about the first two reasons. No matter how amazing you are, a man who isn’t ready for a relationship won’t suddenly become ready or mature because of anything you do, say, or are.

But screeching halt at number three, right? Your worst fears are confirmed: something you say or do CAN make a man turn in the opposite direction. Well, not exactly. It’s something else…

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE “INSTANT RELATIONSHIP”

Many women, after knowing a guy for only a short while, let themselves get wrapped up in what I call an Instant Relationship. This is when a woman will already be thinking ahead that she is in a relationship with a guy, that they will be spending all their weekends together, and that he won’t be dating any other women.

And this happens when the guy hasn’t even talked about a relationship. Then the woman gets disappointed when it turns out he isn’t exclusive with her or isn’t making plans to see her on Friday.

So, instead of putting all your energy into creating this Instant Relationship, focus instead on drawing the man you want in and connecting with him on an emotional level. Here’s how…

START LIVING THE LIFE THAT WILL ATTRACT A GREAT GUY

Question: if a man were to simply join you in the things you were doing in your life… would he have a great time? Would he see you living a happy and full life? Would he be excited to be with you and do some of the things you’re doing?

Lots of women have great lives. But as soon as they meet a guy, they focus too much on giving to him or trying to please him.

They’ll do things like give up friends and hobbies and weekends for a man – only to realize that they “lost themselves” in the relationship.

Take a moment now to think about this. And then write down three things you can start doing for yourself that will make you more attractive to the kind of man you want to attract.

CREATE THE CONDITIONS FOR HIM TO “FALL” INTO A REAL RELATIONSHIP

There’s one thing that all men love and respond to, and it’s one of the most simple but powerful secrets to leaving a man wanting more. And this one thing is APPRECIATION. Appreciation to men is what affection and reassurance are to women.

Men fall in love not when a woman gives and gives to them, but through the process of having a woman they enjoy giving to.

So if you’re worried that a man will think you’re not interested in him if you don’t move things forward, here’s what you need to know: all you need to do is show a man appreciation.

Let’s say you’ve had a great date with a man and you definitely want him to ask you out again. All you have to do at the end of the date is thank him and let him know you had a great time with him.

The trick is to express genuine appreciation without any “hook” or conditions to it. That is the magic way that appreciation sinks into a man’s heart and lets him know a woman is special – and gets him thinking about her again right away.

When you make your life as rich as possible, the right guy will naturally want to be a part of it. And when he does show up, simply let him know you’re glad he’s in it. You won’t fall victim to the Instant Relationship…and you’ll create a solid foundation for a lasting, connected, REAL relationship.

By Christian Carter, author of best-selling eBook Catch Him & Keep Him and free newsletter

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If you’ve ever wanted to know what a man really thinks about dating and commitment, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. He’ll reveal the kind of qualities a man can’t help falling for in a woman and what it takes to make him give up his “single” freedom for the love on just one woman…for the long term.

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