Q&A: Why Women Like Jerks & More

By David DeAngelo
Relationship Correspondent - Every other Wednesday

Yes, it's that time once again: the day we feature your dating and relationship questions. Although we would like to answer each one personally and with as much detail as possible, the overwhelming amount of inquiries forces us to highlight those that are most interesting to AskMen.com readers; your e-mail may even be answered in the process.

This week's Q&A focuses on why she likes you more when you're a jerk and how to turn her into your lover. David DeAngelo, author of Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, has your answers.

It seems like what you're teaching is that if I want to make women crazy about me, I have to act like a total jerk. Is that right?

I am not, do not, and have not EVER told ANYONE that the way to get along with people is to be a total jerk.

Never.

No, no, no.

What I DO say is that jerks often create an amazing feeling of ATTRACTION inside of women, and that there are ways that the average guy like you and me can take some of those things that jerks do and use these powerful techniques — WITHOUT THE ABUSIVE PARTS — to make women attracted to US instead.

Make no mistake about it, I don't think it's a good idea to act like a jerk to other people. But I DO think it's a GREAT idea to tease women, bust on them, be Cocky & Funny, and play hard to get.

Do you know of any great ways to turn a woman who is a friend into a lover?

I get a TON of e-mails from guys who are looking for the answer to this one "magical" question.

The simple answer is: If you don't want her to see you as a friend, STOP ACTING LIKE ONE.

Most guys act extra nice around women they're attracted to — they smile a lot, act interested in what she's saying (even if it's boring as hell), do her favors (pick her up when her car breaks down, feed her cat when she's away on a trip).

Unfortunately, NONE OF THIS makes her feel ATTRACTION for you; it only makes her see you as a "real nice guy."

But that's not exactly what you're after, is it?

Now, the reason most guys treat a woman they like extra nicely is because they're AFRAID of doing the things that could build attraction because to do that would mean RISKING REJECTION.

It's safer to be nice to her because how can she reject you when you're being nice?

But if you want to turn her from a friend to a lover, acting nice SIMPLY WON'T WORK. You have to do something MORE, and my Cocky & Funny strategies are a great place to start.

Suggest grabbing a cup of tea… and then bust on her playfully. Lean back. Relax.

When you do, she'll see you as the kind of confident, secure guy she's after… then SHE will come to YOU.

What if I get a girl's number at a club, but she later sees me talking to ANOTHER girl? Won't this blow it for me?

Well, the problem in these types of situations is that most guys don't want to get a woman's number then be seen talking to other women or getting other numbers because they don't want to be seen as "players" or as insincere.

My advice? Get over it.

If you enjoy talking to a woman and you'd like to get her number AND go talk to other people (including other women), just say: "Here, write down your e-mail and number. I'm going to get back to my friends" and DO IT. She'll actually see you as an "in demand" kind of guy if she sees you talking to other women. Her competition mechanism will kick in, and that will actually AMPLIFY her attraction for you.

reader's question

Hi Dave,

I am 27 and came to Australia three years ago. And, yes, I have the Cocky & Funny attitude. In fact, at the place where I am working I work with eight women, though all above 40. Yet when I talk, they laugh and they have told me that I am the only male that has survived working there.

Yes, I can get any woman to laugh. The first time I read your letter, I was delighted that C&F was a basic instinct of mine.

I study at university. There is a lovely girl and I liked her very much, so I started hanging around her and went on coffee breaks with her twice. One day, she was going out for a beer with friends, so she called me. We had a nice time and at the end she gave me a real big hug. She told me earlier that she has no boyfriend. After a couple of days, I could not resist to tell her how much I liked her, but I could not get her out for coffee, so I recorded a 10-minute message on a tape and gave
it to her.

And BOOM! It was like a nuclear bomb exploded. She stopped talking to me and reported me to the dean.

My question is: How does a man tell when a woman likes him as a friend or as a boyfriend. I am confused! Secondly, was it right to tell her through a tape?

A.K., Australia

my answer

OK, hold on to your keyboard and mouse because I have some bad news for you…

When you couldn't resist telling her how much you liked her, you demonstrated a very special personality trait that I like to refer to as acting like a WUSSY.

This means that instead of being cool, relaxing, and seeing where things went, you were overcome with emotion and feelings for a girl you didn't even know, and you went overboard and RECORDED A 10-MINUTE TAPE to let her know what a wuss you really are.

She probably enjoyed spending time with you. She may have even been interested in you in a romantic way. But when you go and do something extreme like recording a 10-minute tape and giving it to her, it makes you look like a bizarre fan or stalker.

I have some more bad news for you.

I'm guessing that this woman was ATTRACTIVE. I mean physically attractive. She's probably hot.

Guess what?

For some strange reason, men feel compelled to tell unusually beautiful women things like "I have feelings for you" or "I really, REALLY like you" or "You're special" very early on in a relationship.

And guess what?

They start to think that men are wussies or that they must be crazy, and when they meet another guy who just shares his feelings after the first date, they run for the hills.

You need to lean back. Give women room. Don't see a new woman more than once or twice a week for the first several weeks (ESPECIALLY if she's unusually attractive).

Oh, and stop it with the 10-minute tapes. That's just plain bad news waiting to happen.

David DeAngelo

This article is sponsored in part by DoubleYourDating.com

David DeAngelo is the author of the book Double Your Dating: What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women, and several other products that can help men become more successful with women and dating. He also publishes a free online Dating Tips newsletter, available at www.DoubleYourDating.com.

                            

Be The Blocker - Article from Askmen.com

By Gary Jackson
Relationship Correspondent - Every other Monday

Proper timing is crucial to executing a successful pickup: If you jump in too quickly, you'll come across as desperate and needy; hang back and dillydally around, and another guy will walk over and start his game.

When another guy comes in and crowds your play, you'll likely become frustrated and irritated. Have no fear though, there is a last-ditch effort you can employ if you really don't want to give up and find another target: You can become the cockblocker.

Cockblocking another guy during his pickup is unpleasant, but it is something that must be done from time to time. Regardless of the reason, there are elements of the "guy code" that have to followed, even in this nefarious business. Just keep the following things in mind: Don't do this to a friend (as if you'd even consider it), don't badmouth your rival when he's not around (that's something chicks do), and don't moan about it if someone pulls some of these tricks on you.

Before we get started on cockblocking, remember that the goal here is the pickup, not the competition. Pay attention to your female target with some flirting and conversation as you politely, without being a jerk, give your adversary the cockblock. He'll know what you're trying to pull — let him hang himself as he tries to retaliate due to his jealousy and paranoia. Those points now out of the way, here are five great ways to cockblock your competition.

Admit it

They say fortune favors the bold, so if you're accused of cockblocking, straight up admit to it and make light of the situation. Try to keep it light and nonconfrontational. The best way to blow it with the girl is to walk up and insult the guy, plus you'll likely find trouble in the parking lot afterwards. If you can temper the cockblock situation with humor, do so. Buy a round of drinks: a Cosmo for her and a glass of milk for him. Or, as juvenile as it seems, make a bar bet (one you know you'll win) and the victor gets to stay with the girl.

This is a high-risk strategy that pays well if you're successful. You will either fail or succeed very quickly. If the girl doesn't tell you to beat it, a victorious outcome is probably on deck.

Send in a wingman

The direct cockblock approach might not suit everyone. Using a wingman to distract the rival might be an easier and more subtle method for the faint of heart. Entering the battlefield with a wingman effectively eliminates the other guy from the equation and leaves you free to engage your target.

During the cockblock, a good wingman should be able to keep 100% of the guy's attention. This is because your brother in arms knows that he doesn't need to impress the girl, and the rival won't want to cause a scene and ruin his chances with the girl. At the very least, talk of sports, cars, work or other women will draw him away from the girl and into a genuine conversation. A best-case scenario will see your rival being taken off for a game of pool, which will hopefully uncover some unattractive personality traits, such as an aggressive competitive streak.

You'll have to repay the cockblock favor to your wingman, but if he is worth his cred, he'll likely find a date for himself and his new "buddy."

Send in a wingwoman

In these times of equality, take advantage of the wingwoman. With a hot female friend who is willing to step up as your cockblocker, the following methods can be most devastating to your rival's efforts.

Using your wingwoman as a honeypot may be morally dubious, but it is certainly effective. Few men can resist an obvious come-on by an attractive women. A simple tap on the shoulder, a smile and an inquiry about being bought a drink will at least create enough of a distraction for you to step in and make contact. The fact that he was distracted should be enough to put off your target. If he does rejoin the pickup, the perceived back-up score with your wingwoman may cause him to drop out of the competition more quickly.

If you have a hard time convincing your wingwoman to parade around in front of a stranger, there's still room to maneuver. Disguised as a fake ex, your wingwoman can head over and slap your rival, leaving an unsettling impression with your target. The fake-ex play is made more effective when coupled with a shake of the head and a herpes comment. A less dramatic approach is for your wingwoman to have a "friendly chat," in which she reveals true or false details about your rival, with your target in the bathroom.

Coordinate a "flashmobbing"

A persistent rival could dodge the diversions of the best wingman and ignore the seductions of a wingwoman. He'll find it more difficult, however, to avoid a whole group. Gather all your friends, giving them instructions to concentrate on the guy, and descend upon your target and rival.

Once you establish conversation with the object of your desire, more people can pour into the gap between you and your rival. Using tactics such as conversation, challenges to games and rounds of shots, your friends should be able to force your enemy into a separate group, where he'll sit and watch you succeed.

The key is to whisk her away as soon as the gap has been created. Invite her to a quieter, more secluded section of the bar that is far away from his sphere of influence. Once you've given the signal that you're in, your friends can get back to enjoying their night — especially with the drinks that you now owe them.

Let him talk about himself

If nothing shifts the guy, let him talk himself out of a successful pickup. Bring the conversation round to him and ask him plenty of questions (don't forget to keep the girl involved though). Let him undermine himself with his own responses. For example, make a comment about his Rolex and once he starts to brag endlessly about it, he will come across as a flashy ass.

Watch your target's responses to his talk. Steer your rival's conversation toward the things that she isn't responding to and lightly mock him. Again, don't turn it into a pissing match between the two of you.

Also, use her responses to tailor your approach according to her tastes. When he leaves the table to get more drinks, steer the conversation toward something that she wants to talk about. Keep it one-to-one and use body language to exclude him when he returns.

cockblock on stock

There are many ways to achieve a successful cockblock. It can be as simple as walking up to a girl, ignoring the guy and asking her name or as complex as motivating half the bar to distract your rival.

In most circumstances, the need to cockblock can be completely avoided if you are decisive and act quickly. The sooner you make your approach after the initial eye-contact and smile, the better off you'll be. Don't rush over like a schoolboy, but once you've finished your drink head to the bar and pay her a visit on the way. And if another guy suddenly straddles your side, keep an eye out for what you've just learned.

                            

Taken From Web Site: iVillage.com
Dating Advice From iVillage Syndication

Women’s magazines slip us the kind of information that we wouldn’t find elsewhere; they reveal a female perspective that most men just aren’t privy to. How they read into our behavior, how they perceive our actions, what their true expectations are… there’s plenty to be learned from a glimpse into the other side.

AskMen.com will be providing you with just this kind of gender intelligence — without the embarrassment that comes with retrieving it from your girlfriend’s magazine rack. We’ll be publishing a series of features from iVillage.com; articles originally written by women for women, but with insight that’s invaluable to men. Of course, in exchange, we had to offer up some intelligence of our own… all the more reason for you to get on the inside track as soon as you can.

dating jitters

Women and men might vary on many things, but being nervous about sex with a new partner isn’t one of them. Trust us: If she likes you, she’s just as anxious as you are about impressing in bed and keeping your interesting. So, to help AskMen.com readers out, iVillage.com has compiled a list of four things she’s doing to keep you coming back after the first romp.

piquing interest

So, you think you found the perfect guy. You’re clicking on the emotional front, and now you want to leave a lasting impression in the bedroom too. So what’s the big secret? It’s not all about knock-his-socks-off sex. When it comes to keeping a guy’s interest, the way you approach sex can make all the difference. So follow these four basic rules to keep him coming back for more. Don’t believe us? Try them tonight.

1- Don’t be a tease, but don’t be a sure thing either
What many women — and men, for that matter — sometimes fail to realize is that there’s a very fine line between being a tease and being playful. If you deny him gratification too often or for too long, he’ll probably lose interest and begin to build resentment. While there should never be an expectation of sex, once that expectation has been created, it’s very difficult to remove it without creating serious tension.

On the flip side, while men are inherently lazy and do love a sure thing, you also don’t want us to take you for granted. Plus, if you’re always available to satisfy him, he’ll think you’re no longer a challenge (and most men love a challenge). So if you can turn down a booty call every now and then, or say no to sex sometimes when you’re not really up for it, he’s actually going to want to see you more and make more effort.

2- Make him a believer, but don’t oversell it
Here’s something that isn’t exactly a secret: Men all like to think that they’re “the man.” So, you need to make him feel like he’s doing something right. I can’t stress enough the importance of playing to the male ego and placating his inevitable insecurities about penis size, stamina and the ability to bring you to orgasm. So if you’re not fully satisfied, don’t simply fake it for his sake; instead, communicate to him about what is working and praise him for the things he does do well. When a man feels consistently insecure about his ability to please his partner, he may get the urge to duck and run. A sincere compliment here and there will keep him focused on doing better by you in bed, instead of finding someone who’s easier to please.

3- Underpromise, overdeliver
As far as the bedroom is concerned, avoid creating false expectations at all costs. For example, no guy wants to hear about how great you are at giving fellatio if you’re not going to perform it on him. And if you promise to “rock his world” and then don’t? Well, you’re setting him up for disappointment. It’s good to be confident, but the less you promise, the less expectation you create and the more pleasant a surprise you can be for him. And when you’re a pleasant surprise, there’s usually going to be an encore performance; he’ll want to see what else you have in your bag of tricks.

4- Desire is key
Most women think great sex is all about the performance. Now, don’t get me wrong — if you’re really great at something and enjoy doing it, by all means, go right ahead. But it’s important to remember that simply expressing a desire for your guy makes a man feel sexually powerful, and making him feel wanted will make him want you even more. So don’t forget to let him know how badly you want him in as much detail as you feel comfortable with. It will be a big turn-on for him, even if you aren’t the most experienced or skilled at any particular act.

More articles can be found at iVillage.com

                            

Here is a little list of the top 10 Dating quotes found on Askmen.com .
By Steven Carlisle
Relationship Correspondent - Every other Sunday (Askmen.com)

The life of the single guy can be a perilous journey. Relationships and the dating world bring fun and fulfillment, as well as unexpected challenges and setbacks.

But what better way to learn about relationships with women than from others’ experience in the field? Be prepared for the dating world with these 10 cool dating quotes.

Number 10
“A man who won’t lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings.”

- Olin Miller

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth works in a court of law, but not in the court of love. Sometimes, to keep your woman happy, you have to tell her white lies. So learn to tell whoppers well.

When she asks if she looks fat in that dress, tell her she looks beautiful. And say it like you mean it. If she asks if you ever think of other women, tell her you don’t have time to because you’re always too busy thinking of her. And when she asks you how you like her new hairstyle, say it makes her look sexier.

Not only are you protecting her feelings, but we all know that a happy woman makes for a happy relationship.

Number 9
“When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.”

- Frederick Ryder

Women are the gatekeepers. While on your first date, she has already made up her mind as to whether or not you meet her conditions for sex. Biologically speaking, women have a finite amount of eggs to be fertilized wisely with good genetic stock. Men, on the other hand, have an endless supply of sperm, and a biological imperative to spread it wide and far.

Only she knows if it’s going to be your lucky night, so enjoy the date, but be attentive. Laughing at your bad jokes, complimenting you, touching you in innocent ways and asking you questions about yourself are all good signs that she’s into you. You can help your cause by showing her you were taught some manners — don’t talk while you eat, don’t drink too much, don’t talk about sex, and keep your hands to yourself until it’s time for a goodnight kiss.

Number 8
“Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship — never.”

- Charles Caleb Colton

If you and a woman start off as friends, it can naturally blossom into love. But if you start with a relationship, it’s difficult to make the transition from lovers to friends because you’ve been intimate. So after you break up, don’t even bother trying to be friends with a woman you have loved. Do you really want to hear about new guys she’s dating? Trying to be friends will only make you both miserable. It’s best to move on and meet new women.

On the other hand, you may be considering taking it a step further with a woman you’re friends with. Maybe you’ve become more attracted to her as you’ve gotten to know her because she has a great personality and a good attitude. If you have fun with her before you’re intimate, it bodes well for a future relationship.

Number 7
“Never date a woman whose father calls her ‘Princess.’ Chances are she believes it.”

- Anonymous

If you’re dealing with a daddy’s girl who thinks she’s a princess, she doubtless believes men should wait on her hand and foot. If she’s gorgeous, many men will be ready and willing to be her servant. But don’t you be that whipping boy. Have some respect for yourself and find a girl who wants a boyfriend, not a daddy.

You’ll never measure up to daddy; no man ever will. If you’ve dated a princess before, you know that she thinks she deserves nothing but the finer things in life, but shouldn’t have to pay for them. If you date a princess, hang on to your wallet, because she’ll expect you to shell out for expensive dinners, extravagant gifts and luxury vacations.

Number 6
“My toughest fight was with my first wife.”

- Muhammad Ali

Being beaten up by a man is nothing compared to getting beaten down by a woman. Women don’t play by the same rules men do. A relationship with a woman can be similar to a boxing match: she probably won’t beat you into a bloody pulp, but she might beat you down in other ways.

Chances are she’ll express anger by insulting, criticizing and nagging you. If she has a bad attitude from the get-go, it’s not going to get any easier as the relationship progresses. Remember that relationships are tough, even with a woman who kills you with kindness.

Number 5
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. “

- Sharon Stone

You and your woman might fake it to get what you want. She uses sex to get what she wants — a relationship with you. You use the relationship to get what you want — sex with her.

But faking it isn’t all that bad. Brett Favre uses a mean fake handoff to fake out the defense, so he can throw the ball downfield and score a touchdown. Likewise, you might sometimes fake it with your lady by cuddling with her, talking about her feelings or going shopping with her. These are things that might not come naturally to you, but you do them because you want to score points with her. And she probably fakes it in her own way to score points with you, by telling you that you’re the smartest, sexiest and coolest guy she’s ever dated. But you knew that already, right?

Number 4
“Men always want to be a woman’s first love — women like to be a man’s last romance.”

- Oscar Wilde

As men, we’re explorers; we like to go where no man has gone before and stake a claim for ourselves. We want virginal women — innocent and unblemished. We like to think we’re the best she’s ever had. We don’t want to be compared to others who came before us. The less baggage she brings from previous relationships, the better. The more men she’s been with, the more you’ll hear about the ex who made so much money, the fling who was so good-looking and the guy who always told her how much he loved her.

Some women like to change their men, so they seek out a man to sculpt and mold into an ideal one. Sometimes right out of the starting gate, they’ll try to “upgrade” the way you dress, provide you with unsolicited career “advice,” and seek to limit your “wasting” time with buddies. Beware; once you’re sufficiently trained with blinders on, she might just lead you to the altar for keeps.

Number 3
“Most relationships are not made in heaven. They come in kits and you have to put them together yourselves.”

- Anonymous

Consider a relationship a constant “love improvement” project. Building and maintaining a relationship is hard work. Don’t think that once you get the girl, the heavy lifting is over. It isn’t. You’ll have to make a solid effort to keep her happy and by your side.

Furthermore, every woman is different, so what worked for you in past relationships might not work in this one. Think back to how you won her over in the first place. If she was attracted to you in because you were funny and a challenge, keep it up. Don’t stop doing what got you this far once you’re comfortable in the relationship. Upkeep may involve buying her gifts from time to time and telling her how beautiful she is, like you did when you first started dating.

Number 2
“The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.”

- Gilbert K. Chesterton

If you really love a woman, don’t take her for granted. Think of what your life would be like without her. Who among us hasn’t broken up with a woman only to realize after dating other women that we lost someone really special?

The key is to recognize when you’re with someone special and to treat her with respect and kindness. Enjoy your time together by planning a special day trip or going on a romantic weekend getaway. Treat every day as though it may be your last with her and you’re sure to appreciate what you have.

Number 1
“The man who has never made a fool of himself in love will never be wise in love.”

- Theodor Reik

If you’ve never failed in love, you’ll never succeed in love. Dating is trial and error. From time to time you’ll make a fool of yourself and regret it. But you will learn from your mistakes and get better at the dating game with each relationship.

Think back to your past dating failures. Perhaps you couldn’t bring yourself to dump the girl your buddies warned you was a nightmare because she seemed like a dream to you. Maybe you told a woman that you loved her, and she confessed that she didn’t love you. Or you might have lost a great girlfriend because she caught you cheating on her. Don’t dwell on failures. Rather analyze what you did wrong and resolve to do better with the next girl.

Quote this casanova

Remember that one of the best and least painful ways to learn is through the experiences of others. So get out there and put this dating wisdom to good use.