This is a question I find myself asking more frequently these days. Is anyone really honest to their lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands or just anyone?

I ask this question because I catch myself lying regularily when there is no real reason to do so. Im not lying to protect myself, it just seems to be an automatic thing.

I think Stabilo may have something in their song “Flawed Design”. The lyrics seem to descibe what seems to be a common issue in so many people:

When I was a young boy
I was honest and I had more self-control
If I was tempted I would run
Then, when I got older
I began to lie to get exactly what I wanted
When I wanted it
- And I wanted it
Now, I’m having trouble differentiating
Between what I want
And what I need
To make me happy
So instead of thinking I just act
Before I have the chance to contemplate the
Consequences of action

And I will turn off
And I will shut down
Burying the voices of my conscience hitting ground
And I will turn off
And I will shut down
The chemicals are restless in my head

‘Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my flawed design

And ever since I figured out
That I could control other people
I’ve had trouble sleeping
With both eyes closed
And if I asked permission
If I make sure it’s ok
I promise I won’t slip up this time
You can trust me
But never take advice from someone
Who just admitted to being devious
Who just confessed to treason
And I would also never ask a question
That I cannot ask myself
For it might
Dirty up your conscience

‘Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -

And how can you say those things
Why can’t you just believe?
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face?
And how can you say those things
Why can’t you just believe?
And how can you say those things
And keep a straight face?

‘Cuz I lie
Not because I want to
But I seem to need to
All the time
Yeah, I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is
All a part of my -
‘Cuz I lie
And if I could control it
Maybe I could leave it all behind
Yeah, I lie
And I don’t even know it
Maybe this is all a part of my
Flawed design

                            

We all know how the perfect date is portrayed on TV and in the movies.
You know the one:

1. guy shows up with flowers or chocolate
2. theres the instant “spark” between the two
3. theres no awkward silence or stop in conversation
4. the candlelight dinner follwed by a romantic walk by a waterfront
5. the playful giggling and teasing that ultimately leads to the goodnight kiss and possably a perfect night together

In my own experience it never goes that smooth. So I ask you all… Have you had a perfect date? If so tell us what it was. If you haven’t had that perfect date yet what would it be in your mind?

Come on, don’t be shy. Lets hear it!

                            

In the midst of passion and the throes of love, couples do fight, argue, disagree etc. Unless of course they are both brain dead in which case it wouldnt matter. Depending on the individuals in question, it might be a mild spat or in the case of two volatile, strong personalities(like myself and mate) it’s fireworks. Now for the purposes of this writing, fireworks meaning heated, strong dialogue back and forth, but no PERSONAL attacks, no insults that are of a personal nature, in short nothing you cant take back or apologize for later. This is where I think the feelings the couple have mitigate an argument, there are just somethings you cant say when you really love someone and want to be with them. Now, obviously if you are done with the relationship and or the person in question, anything goes. Piece of advice, dont bring friends into an argument with your mate. Its bad enough two points of view are not matching(leading to the disagreement in the first place) but to add yet another point of view is a bad idea without realizing:
It can make things much worse
That other point of view may not be given by someone with your best interests
The other point of view usually only has one side of the story to go by Close as a friend it might be, they still are not you and cannot ultimately decide whats best for you

If you find yourself in arguments that cross the above mentioned line, personal insults flying back and forth and or things getting physical - Relationships dead….move on….Love yourself enough to realize that personal insults and physical abuse are not part of any kind of loving relationship. Don’t wait for him/her to change(they never will)

                            

Nor does it leave much time to blog either. I have been caught up in the midst of a moving frenzy - the house I have been staying in has been sold and I had to find another apartment which, living in NYC anyone can tell you is no small feat unless of course your last name is trump.

Running around looking at places that i wouldnt keep a pet rock in, calling agents that don’t return phone calls(never use an agent to find an apartment) and if im lucky i may have an hour or two left over during the course of a week - but by then am too tired to be so bothered…quick translation - sex life is sucking majorly right now - i almost forgot how it goes

Even though we do “speak” every day sometimes several times a day….it’s like blah….

                            

Life always has been and always will be about choices. Some easier than others. Chosing to live life as a “hirsute” woman means choosing to live with the stares, rude comments, jeers etc. It means choosing a life that may not lead you to that committed relationshp that you have always dreamed about since society has put such a stigma on being hairy and hirsute for a woman. IT means choosing to accept being objectified as a sexual object/creature and having to turn down multitudes of sexual propositions and overtones. IT sometimes means being in a relationship that is not ideal but that at least allows you to be who and what you are and not subject to comments inquiring about when the next “waxxing” will be.

                            

We argue we fight we make up endless cycle of a relationship. Does what we fight about matter in the great scheme of things - depends on what it is and depends on how much we both want the relationship in the first place.

                            

Steadfast rules are not always steadfast are they? Tried and true advice and methods of dealing with things are not always going to work in all circumstances.

Relationships should be cut and dried - -everything should go the way it needs to and if not on to the next relationship. Only in a perfect world. Thanks to Oprah and Dr. Phil - doing “you” has become a favorite watchword and anyone who is not so singular of purpose is branded with “low self esteem”. Nice catch phrase to explain something that is never that simple.

While I agree many have and do suffer on different occaisions from self esteem issues, there are always things environmental, mental, and other that contribute to what people do especially in relationships. If people were really truly brutally honest on some of these shows…actually Jerry Springer touched it but went way out of bounds…My rambling here was to point out that relationships are way too complicated to be categorized easily. All do respects to Oprah and Phil, but get some people on your shows who dont have as many options and choices available to them. Follow that up with a show where people actually are candid on speaking about their fears of being alone(sans a partner) when you do i will be sure and catch both episodes.

                            

How does it feel, to know that you are “possed” of certain “physical attributes” that most of society claim is repugnant, but a select choice few find it the ultimate turn on. How does it feel to know that something you have struggled with for years is something that right now men across america are jacking off to. How does it feel to be the object of some sexual fantasies while at the same time invoking rude stares, obnoxious comments, pointing etc. How does it feel having to explain for the 1,000,000th time that you dont know how “long” the hair is and that you would not be interested in meeting in person.

How does it feel to choose between spending small fortunes trying to defeat your bodies/hormones desire to grow hair in abundance and where it might not “usually” be found or chosing to “live with it” or worse not having a choice because your finances wont grant you any choices.

Or even better how does it feel to follow the hairier, road less traveled or to fall in with the rest of society

Ask a hirsute woman one day…..im sure she’ll have plenty to tell you about How It Feels….

                            

When conversing with someone it is hoped that you manage to convey the essence of what you are talking about with some degree of certainty. When that does not happen frustration can and does set in. When you in your own estimation take time and energy trying to explain your point of view and you either get no response back or a response that doesnt match the original point you might be tempted to pull your hair out - or cuss up a blue streak depending on your point of view.

In the midst of a relationship this can cause no end of problems. Communication is key miscommunication can be death. Being oblivious in conjunction with miscommunication is a deal breaker.
as I go look for the bottle of extra strength tylenol from today’s escapades I keep in mind that this too shall pass…

                            

The emails i got from him the next day were the start of something i had no idea i was getting into. There was no way to forsee any of this and if you had told me then i wouldn’t have believed it.

We met a few days later at a coffee shop - at the time i thought innocuous enough should be ok. What was i thnking.

Anyone familiar with Tex Avery will remember any number of toons where the character meets a gorgeous character and either falls to pieces literally or sits spouting unintelligble gibber jabber

That would be a fair representation of that meeting - aside from giggling like a blooming idiot, there was little logical conversation. All i was missing was the dunce cap and a bib for the drool….lol

Charming, and flirtatious doesnt begin to describe him, not obnoxiously so, just extremely charming, in hindsight i had no chance with all that.

Eventually as they do all good things must come to an end and so was the coffee shop interlude. He offered to walk me home, and i accepted his offer since i didnt live far from where we were. I have no idea what we talked about while walking - burned too many brain cells that night. I will never, however forget walking through my front gate and turning around…looking at him and him kissing me. Fireworks….LITERALLY exploded inside my head, i lost all track of time, and if you had asked me at the time i couldn’t have told you what my name was or where i was. Ok i mean i was not a little teenage girl at the time, i had been kissed before but NEVER like that…I could have floated right out of my shoes - i was holding onto him for dear life because i knew if i let go i would have passed out. This reaction and all that followed is/was a hallmark of what has been the most intensely passionate, mindblowing relationship that i have ever been in…